How to Start Feeling Gratitude

If you're anything like me, the dawn of social media has often caused me to feel like I'm not good enough. The internet has taken us from "trying to keeping up with the Jones's" to trying to keep up with the Kardashians. What I mean by this is that we are looking at people on social media on their best day, in their best dress, with their best-looking photo. Deep down we know these photos were more than likely photoshopped, staged, and just not realistic. So why do we get so caught up in the comparison trap?

Research shows that it is completely normal and part of our wiring to compare ourselves to others. When we see someone else doing better than us, we immediately think that we aren't good enough. This can lead to self-loathing, jealously, anger and resentment.

I took a year off of social media for this very reason. I stopped feeling good about myself. I was constantly comparing myself to other influencers and thinking that my content, my photos, my body and my home weren't enough. I realized one day that I was the cause of these thoughts and feelings, not other people.

My husband and I are a part of a great church called North Point, led by Andy Stanley. When I decided to take a social media break, I joined a six month program with a dedicated mentor called Renew. It was a deep dive into my life, my thoughts, my feelings, my background...everything. In that six months, I discovered that I was holding on to tons of resentment and jealousy. It was starting to make me a bitter person. Someone I didn't recognize and someone I really didn't want to be to my husband or my friends.

Forgiving leads to gratefulness

One of the exercises in the program was working on forgiveness. I made a list of all the people that have ever done me wrong. I wrote down what feelings their wrong-doing triggered in me and why it upset me. Then, one by one, I went through and mentally told myself that they were forgiven and owed me nothing.

After doing my forgiveness work, I started working on gratitude. Each day, I try to think of three things I am grateful for. I try to keep them different each time. Some days it might be because someone bought me a coffee in the Starbucks line. Other days, it's that I had a good night sleep or the dinner I made tasted great. I try to remember that there are tons of small things that I have to be grateful for.

Social media has taken us away from remembering that every day has little wins and reasons to be grateful. Whenever I start looking at someone else's life and thinking that I'm jealous and wish I had what they had, I remind myself that I am doing the very best I can right now and I have a great life, too. No two people in this world are living the same life, so stop thinking that you're less than (or better than) other people.

How giving can make you grateful

Begin giving.

This was probably one of the hardest things for me to do, because if I'm being honest, I have an old habit of greed.

I'm giving to my good friends and my family. I buy people presents for their birthdays and weddings, housewarming parties and when they're having a bad day. But is that really being "giving"?

While all of those contributions were so kind, I realized I have a lot more to give. It's easy to give to people that you know and love. But what about giving portions of your paycheck to causes you care about and your time too?

Once my husband and I started donating to causes that "broke our heart" a funny thing happened. I started feeling a lot more grateful. Giving makes our hearts full, and studies show that people who are more altruistic tend to feel more grateful. Giving brings back an intrinsic reward. When we stop placing value on things, and start placing value on helping people and loving people, our gratefulness begins to grow.

Put it into practice

Keep a journal, and write down the things you are grateful for each day. After that, write down what you did to help someone that week. Being grateful is a choice you have to actively make each day and once you begin practicing it, the easier it becomes.

Love yourself. Love others.